I Didn't Want To.

I got up before 4AM and got in my car where all my crap had been packed last night and drove down to Kailua for the Lanikai Triathlon. As I was driving I noted that I didn't feel nervous at all, which surprised me a bit. I wanted to care about this race, but I didn't really, but thought that I might when I got there.

Bike racked, body marked, speed suit on, and it starts to rain. Most of the athletes rushed over to a covered pavilion and we stood huddled together as rain pelted sideways across the roof. I was standing there listening to some ladies saying We can do this we can do this we can do this... and my thought in response to that was Ya I know I can do it but being able to and wanting to are two different things...

Was I really going to bail on the race at the last second? I'd never done that before. My brain was spinning trying to figure out what to do. My gut was saying NO RACE. Parts of the road for the bike course were over shitty shitty pavement and while I decided yesterday that I'd put my big girl pants on and deal with that, dealing with it when it was wet was beyond my desire today.  Riding over wet metal plates in a race situation didn't sound like fun to me. Even when it's dry, this road sucks.

Anyway, I figured I'd regret it if I didn't race (and I do, sort of) but I knew I needed to make a decision and then live with it so I went and retrieved my bike from transition and took my speed suit off and put all my crap back in my car. I'm sure I would have been fine to race today but I just didn't care enough to take the risk.

Instead I went and ran 6 miles, starting easy easy and building to what felt like strongish but controlled/sustainable effort. Kailua is a good place to do that b/c there are lots of flat roads (vs when I run from home it's always uphill last few miles so I rarely negative split any runs!). Anyway, easy easy to start 10:40 then eased into it 10:02, 9:39, 9:15, 8:46, 8:31 and felt good/smooth throughout.  Was pretty proud of myself too for that 2+min spread in pace! #notafraidtoruneasy The only shoes I had this morning were my lightweight racing shoes that offer very little support and I didn't want to run too long in those b/c my legs do feel more beat up when I wear those. Later I got home and put my Hokas on and headed out for another 5 miles (2.5 down then 2.5 up) and cruised through that pretty relaxed effort at least until the last hill. So I salvaged my non-race day with 11 total miles (and all my bones are intact) so it's all ok. In fact, maybe it's good b/c not racing today left a little pit in my stomach and made me more hungry to race next month!