Friday, October 31, 2008

Yes, I'm Hungry Too...

Poor Hoku. She's been moping around the house, clearly aware of her new role as second fiddle. This morning she followed me around with those sad eyes until I remembered that she hadn't yet been fed. Moana had been fed, twice, already. No such luck for the dog... or the cats... or their parents.

Eventually everyone did get food today. It's just that priorities have changed around here this week so some of us get fed with more urgency than others.

On this plan, I'll be back to my race weight in no time at all! ;)

Aside from the lack of nutrition, things are going well around here. I Love. Love. Love being Moana's mom. I can stare at her all day long, even while she's just sleeping. She makes the best faces and just has all these perfect little body parts that are so fun to inspect. This really is better than I ever imagined it would be. I'd heard from others what a cool thing it is to bring your new baby home, but this is one of those things you just have to experience for yourself to really get it.

And truth be told, there was a small part of me that thought maybe I wouldn't ever feel the way I was 'supposed' to... I don't know how clearly this came across before, but I really disliked being pregnant. That's putting it mildly. I hated it. And I had this internal fear that since I didn't love being pregnant, that I wouldn't love my baby. That's a scary thought. I mean, *really* scary.

But for me it was totally unrelated. The way I felt about being pregnant has nothing to do with the way I feel about Moana. I am overwhelmed with joy that I have her, and in the instant she was born I forgot all about how awful it was for me to put my life on hold while being pregnant. Having her on the outside is totally different and 200% better than having her on the inside. What a relief! :)

And I was also afraid that I wouldn't like breast feeding. I mean, it's kind of an odd thing, being this milk machine. I figured I'd try it, but I think in my heart I thought I probably wouldn't try that hard because I wasn't sure that breast-feeding was for me. But now I feel totally differently. Part of that is definitely because Moana is so good at it- she has incredible instincts and knows what to do and when to do it. I don't fight at all to get her to latch on- she just has to be somewhat in the vacinity and she figures the rest out for herself in about 2 seconds. It still hurts like hell when she latches on, but I just use those breathing techniques I learned during labor for a few seconds and then it feels ok. And the satisfied look Moana gets when she's done is so precious. I swear, there must be whiskey in my breasts...

Scott has proven to be the proud dad that everyone who knows him knew he would be... watching the two of them together just melts my heart. It also really makes life easier knowing that I can fully rely on him to take care of her at any time. We make a good team. :)

So I know it sounds like all is perfect here in the Simmons household... but there is one issue that we're still dealing with. I think I mentioned in my birth story that I had some unexpected and unexplained high blood pressure when I went in to the hospital on Monday night... Unfortunately, it has persisted. They almost didn't discharge me on Wed night. I actually had to call in another doctor to get a second opinion before mine would agree to let me come home... Otherwise I feel totally fine, but I'm officially on 'bed rest' until my BP stabilizes. I guess they're worried about me having a stroke or a seizure, but I don't think that's a real possibility for me because I have never had any of the other symptoms that would indicate a serious problem. Through my own research I see that it is somewhat common to have some otherwise unexplained post-partum hypertension and it usually resolves itself within a few weeks without additional intervention. I hope that is the case for me!

8 comments:

ellen in kuwait said...

YEAH! i am soooooo happy you are breast feeding...as you know my thoughts on that.
send more pics to me!
ellen

Angela and David Kidd said...

I hope your blood pressure resolves itself. I also HATED being pregnant and I had the same worries about whether I would like being a mom. I've never been much of a baby person but when Zach showed up my maternal instincts kicked in from out of no where. It's crazy how that happens.

Clare said...

glad everything is going so well (BP aside!)! and it's good to know the BF is going well despite your initial thoughts...mine are the same, taking the same wait and see approach...i guess there's a lot you just don't know in terms ofhow you'll respond til it's happening to YOU. have i mentioned before how IMPORTANT your blog is to me in my own pregnancy??? thank you!!!!

IVF Running Mama said...

I often wonder how our dogs will respond to the new baby! We'll see...they tend to do well with the kids in the neighborhood, but have no real sense of "space" and will lick the kids right in the face. How does Hoku act? (other than hungry:>) Glad to hear that breastfeeding is going well...I have heard so many horror stories. And good luck with the high blood pressure! Will it go away on its own? Do they know what causes it?

N.D. said...

I hope that your blood pressure subsides! It is so great to hear that everything is going well, and that you are loving it all. I feel the same way about pregnancy but I know once I have the result of it to hold in my arms that I will be the same as you. That's why people do it again!
I'm glad the bfing is going well, I am so nervous about that, even thinking about it still makes me cringe!!!

Alicia Parr said...

Yeah, breastfeeding your infant is a far more rewarding experience than can be explained to someone that hasn't experienced it. And the painful part will subside with a little time. I promise.

Traci said...

I stumbled onto your blog from a link on another blog, and just have to say that it was so neat reading your perspective on becoming a mom. I have finished 5 IM's and became a mom for the first time almost 4 years ago at 32 and felt so many of the things you said...I just didn't have that "Boy, I'm so excited to be pregnant feeling" and just wanted to be my usual triathlete self!!! I only tried breastfeeding b/c it is the thing to do, but thought I'd hate it. However, just like you, when my baby girl came, I couldn't imagine loving anything more. BF'ing was great as well. Your post just made me so nostalgic for those first weeks home with the baby, loving every minute, even the exhaustion. We now have 2 precious girls and training is different with a preschooler and toddler, but I'm learning to be okay with that. Congratulations and best of luck with everything!!! Enjoy every moment...:)

The Chapples said...

Now that the pain is gone, I love breastfeeding (doing it right now as I type!). Good for you for trying it out :).