So I went swimming today and as I was in the locker room putting on my too old and incredibly stretched out swim suit yet again, it occurred to me that I really want (ok, need) to throw this suit in the garbage.
I was going to tell you to imagine, if you will, a previously size 30 swim suit that has, over the course of several months, stretched to accomodate a 158 lb pregnant body... but seriously folks, don't do it. The vision is just too unsightly. You might go blind in your imagination.
But what's a pregnant swimmer to do? No other suit I own has been forced to stretch like this one has, so nothing else I own will come close to covering me at this point. And every day now I keep thinking that this is possibly my last swim until after the baby is born... maybe the suit will make it through just one more day? Dignity be damned, I ventured out onto the pool deck.
Kris, the lifeguard, says to me: "You're still here?"
Kris: "When are you going to have that baby?"
Me: "I don't know. Hopefully before the straps of this suit rip."
Kris: "Yeah, that's suit's not working for you anymore..."
So it's confirmed. It's not in my imagination, and the lifeguard must now be blinded by the image of me in this horrible suit. By the way, she went on to tell me that she swears my belly has gotten *a lot* bigger since she last saw me two days ago. "I mean seriously a lot. How much bigger do you think you'll get?" She asks...
Um, I don't know? How much can skin stretch before it just starts exploding?
My belly and I managed to get into the water without making eye contact with anyone else and I decided that if I did long intervals today, I'd be stopped at the wall less... which might mean less conversation with anyone else who might just think its a good idea to tell the huge pregnant lady (in case she wasn't actually aware) how big she really is.
So I think from now on I'm gonna have to go with Angela's technique of wearing a 2 piece under this thinly stretched one piece... fashion statement of the year I think they call this look (and what sexy tan lines!)... but at least that way if the straps do rip while I'm swimming tomorrow, I won't be all naked in the pool.
Or maybe, just maybe, baby will spare me all the embarrassment completely and just decide to come out tonight???