I swear, I'm not a crazy person. There are lots of crazy people out there I know, and I have taken pride in the past that I am not one of them. But right now, I am one of them.
This whole pregnant-or-not(??) scenario is driving me NUTS. It's like, the only two signs I have that I am pregnant are the two most reliable ones (i.e. no period and a positive test) so um, duh. Pregnant. BUT, nothing else. And my intuition is telling me that I am not. I have felt great working out every morning this week. This morning I was up at 5:20 and out the door running with Nalani at 6... ran 5 miles and then swam a solid 3100M and then ran a mile home. Who does that when they're 6 (or 7- who knows?) weeks pregnant? Shouldn't I be exhausted tired and napping all the time? And hungry? I'm just eating normal amounts and not craving anything and no food aversions. Ugh.
Nuts I tell you. I'm going NUTS.
I'm *SO* hypersensitive to the way my body feels now- paying super close attention to everything and looking for any little sign either way... but I really need something concrete.
SO I finally called my MD office and requested the HCG tests. I'm going to go in for one today (after Moana wakes up from her nap) and then will go in again on Monday for a follow up. IF there is a fetus growing normally, the HCG number should be pretty high today and then quite a bit higher on Monday. If it is not, the level will be lower and either getting lower or not rising much on Monday. I was told that I will be called with the results on Tuesday. So it's not solid proof and I'll still have to wait for the ultrasound in 11 days but at least it should give me a clearer idea about what's going on. Because I'm either having the easiest early pregnancy ever, or I should expect to start bleeding out here at some point. I just want to know which one.
I appreciate all the comments and support you all wrote after that last post. Some people have thanked me for writing about all this and I know it's not something people are usually so public about. I guess the way I see it is that this is life, and it is what it is. I tend to believe the science that says that a miscarriage happens when something just isn't right with the fetus, so I do not feel like this is in any way my fault and therefore I do not feel like I should feel embarrassed about it or anything. Given that, I don't have a problem writing about it and I hope that it gives some other people hope in knowing that they are not the only ones who think they are going crazy during early pregnancy. This is crazy stuff and it's so big and life-changing... of course we go NUTS wondering and worrying about what the heck is going on.