Friday, November 20, 2009

I'm Going NUTS

I swear, I'm not a crazy person. There are lots of crazy people out there I know, and I have taken pride in the past that I am not one of them. But right now, I am one of them.

This whole pregnant-or-not(??) scenario is driving me NUTS. It's like, the only two signs I have that I am pregnant are the two most reliable ones (i.e. no period and a positive test) so um, duh. Pregnant. BUT, nothing else. And my intuition is telling me that I am not. I have felt great working out every morning this week. This morning I was up at 5:20 and out the door running with Nalani at 6... ran 5 miles and then swam a solid 3100M and then ran a mile home. Who does that when they're 6 (or 7- who knows?) weeks pregnant? Shouldn't I be exhausted tired and napping all the time? And hungry? I'm just eating normal amounts and not craving anything and no food aversions. Ugh.

Nuts I tell you. I'm going NUTS.

I'm *SO* hypersensitive to the way my body feels now- paying super close attention to everything and looking for any little sign either way... but I really need something concrete.

SO I finally called my MD office and requested the HCG tests. I'm going to go in for one today (after Moana wakes up from her nap) and then will go in again on Monday for a follow up. IF there is a fetus growing normally, the HCG number should be pretty high today and then quite a bit higher on Monday. If it is not, the level will be lower and either getting lower or not rising much on Monday. I was told that I will be called with the results on Tuesday. So it's not solid proof and I'll still have to wait for the ultrasound in 11 days but at least it should give me a clearer idea about what's going on. Because I'm either having the easiest early pregnancy ever, or I should expect to start bleeding out here at some point. I just want to know which one.

I appreciate all the comments and support you all wrote after that last post. Some people have thanked me for writing about all this and I know it's not something people are usually so public about. I guess the way I see it is that this is life, and it is what it is. I tend to believe the science that says that a miscarriage happens when something just isn't right with the fetus, so I do not feel like this is in any way my fault and therefore I do not feel like I should feel embarrassed about it or anything. Given that, I don't have a problem writing about it and I hope that it gives some other people hope in knowing that they are not the only ones who think they are going crazy during early pregnancy. This is crazy stuff and it's so big and life-changing... of course we go NUTS wondering and worrying about what the heck is going on.

18 comments:

cherelli said...

Oh boy, how frustrating. never know, maybe you're so fit that this time you won't suffer the normal symptoms - or it's building up so next week you'll wake up and feel like you ran into a truck!...fingers crossed for you.

Clare said...

for what it's worth, i ran a great marathon at 6 weeks pregnant. i felt great. i hope that's what's going on with you!!

Katie A. said...

I said it before and I will say it again...YOU ARE A STRONG WOMAN, and you and Scott will get through this no matter what. And yes, thank you for being so candid about this, it is life and it's what's going on with you. I hope you can have a little less stress this weekend and we'll keep our fingers crossed and good thoughts coming your way for Tuesday.

N.D. said...

believe me, i know how you feel!!!

Ange said...

Yes it is life and it is huge and it drives us women nuts. Hang in there. Good idea to get the HCG test. thinking ofyou...

fancy nancy said...

I am so sorry that you have to go through this worry! My thoughts will be with you this weekend until Tuesday!

Angela and David Kidd said...

Have you never seen the TLC specials where woman have babies and only when they are pushing the baby out do they realize they are pregnant. It's easily possible you don't feel at all pregnant at 6 or 7 weeks.

Rebecca DeWire said...

I can't even imagine what it is like to be in limbo like this. I would be going nuts, too! I am glad that you can get the hCG levels before the ultrasound. Thinking positive thoughts for you.

Regina said...

I know this isn't really helpful in the "going nuts" department, but like many others here I had no symptoms of being pregnant almost the entire first trimester. Like you, all I had was a missed period and a positive test. I didn't get really tired until the end of the first trimester. Anything is possible.

I hope you find some mental relief soon.

janay said...

good....................................................................................................

HEATHER @ runfastermommy! said...

*hugs* I'm really hoping everything turns out ok. For what it's worth, with my second baby, I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks, and didn't experience a darn symptom until 9 weeks. (9-12 was crazy morning sickness). But for that first month, I really felt like the test was a fraud. So much so , that I must have taken 15 tests over the course of a month!! sending you positive vibes and well wishes!!!

Nitsirk said...

I think you are wise to talk about it. When it happened to me know one even had known I was pregnant. I had to go to work etc and pretend everything was fine. It sucked. I skipped a friend's baby shower because I just couldn't deal and couldn't tell her why. I am glad you are getting the HCG levels tested, I wondered why they hadn't checked them in the first place. Oh, and when I did finally bleed it wasn't a very big deal, just like a regular period. Things had stopped so early on that it was painless (physically anyway). Good luck and hang in there. I will be thinking of you guys.

The Chapples said...

You've been on my mind a lot! I know you must be crazy-anxious about it all.

beardies3 said...

You have the right attitude. Things happen for a reason. What will be will be. But still, you really want a definitive answer.
If something happened to the embryo, you should get cramps and bleeding at some point, sooner rather than later. (I've 40 years of OBS nursing and I've lost several myself.)
I hope the blood test clears up the mystery. White light to you and your family as you wait.

Katie said...

This brings back memories: the same thing happened for us at the start of this pregnancy - I spotted, they did an u.s. and saw nothing in my womb, so we did the every-48-hrs HCG testing which drove me crazy. (Turned out my ovulation was irregular so the LMP was off, and I just wasn't as far along as expected.)

In our case, we really wanted a baby (tho' we hadn't been actively trying) and this was our first, so there were a lot of emotions. Plus they thought it might be a tubal pregnancy, which would have meant we would have had to have a "procedure" to remove the sac or I would have died, and the thought of doing that to my child really got to me.

I'm glad it's not the same for you! But I can imagine it's still really tough... hang in there and thanks for sharing so we can pray and send you good vibes!

Mary IronMatron said...

Keep us posted. xoxox

GoBigGreen said...

Oh Michelle...I am just catching up on all this.I dont know what your faith is, but I think things all happen for a reason. It will work out how is should and you will be just fine, as someone else said you are strong and you have a great support system with Scott and Moana. the uncertainty is hard and just remember that if it isnt the right time your body will have made that decision and in the long run that will be best for now.
Thinking about you.

Angela said...

Completely possible that you are just not as far along as you think. But with both my pregnancies, I didn't start getting the "ick" until about 9 weeks and only had it till 12 weeks...so it's also possible that this will be an easy pregnancy if you're pregnant.