Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I Don't Feel Pregnant

I have been debating about whether or not to post all of this that's been going on (in my head and with my body) but you know what? I've been pretty open and honest about everything else in my life, and this is life, so here goes.

After I posted last week about all those normal pregnancy things that have been happening to my body, they all just went away. I woke up Sunday morning and had no nausea. I ran with Moana in the baby jogger and though I didn't push it or anything, I felt fine. That afternoon, I didn't feel like I needed a nap. Instead, I went for a bike ride. Plenty of energy. I didn't think too much about it except that it was nice to have a day where I didn't feel sick, hungry, or tired.

And each day since, I've been feeling completely normal. No morning nausea, no excessive hunger, no achy boobs, no afternoon naps. Hmmmm.

I'm not one to just sit around and wait and wonder, so I called my doctor. I wanted her to do an ultrasound and see if there was a heartbeat in there... Based on my LMP, I should be almost 7 weeks now which would mean that if everything was right, there would be a heartbeat. She was awesome and told me to come in right away.

So yesterday morning I took Moana to the office with me (which was fun b/c the Dr hadn't seen her since she popped out of me over a year ago!). Maybe not quite so much fun to have a one year old squirming on my lap while Dr performed a vaginal ultrasound, but hey, we gotta do what we gotta do, right? Anyway, Dr found a yolk sack but nothing was in it.

That pretty much confirmed what I had been thinking/feeling, although Dr told me that the sack was small and only measuring 5 weeks, which *could* mean that I ovulated late and am not as far along as I thought I was... which is entirely possible b/c of Ironman and all that... maybe I ovulated late? And if that's the case, when I go for another ultrasound in 2 weeks there may be a fetus with a heartbeat in that little sack.

The other possibility is that I got pregnant and it all started to grow but for whatever reason it just wasn't right so it stopped growing. That happens sometimes. My intuition, based upon how I physically feel, is that this is the case.

I'm not sure how I feel about all this. I'm not devastated, because it's not like Scott and I had been trying for years and finally got pregnant... I can understand though how IF that were the case, I would be devastated. On the other hand, I've started to mentally prepare myself to have another little one around... imagining what it will be like to strap TWO little ones into car seats every time I go to the grocery store, etc. And Scott and I picked out names already.

I think the hardest part for me is going to be waiting waiting waiting for TWO MORE WEEKS to find out for sure whether or not anything is growing in there. It's going to be a long two weeks.

So there it is. That's what's been going on here. I'd be a fraud if I posted about anything else right now because there's nothing else for me to think about, therefore I have nothing else to write about. Two more weeks.

37 comments:

Jennifer Harrison said...

Oh boy, Michelle. xo I am sorry you are going thru this..it is SO hard...I think a lot of us have similiar stories to you. :)

Ange said...

oh Michelle...I am sorry. I hope everything is ok. Conceiving, growing, birthing and raising babies is so so tough. And Jen's right..many of us have been through very difficult things with this stuff. So, if you need to lean go ahead and lean. Hang in there and hug Moana.

jessica said...

Jennifer is right -- so many of us have these stories. I really wish I'd been able to communicate more about mine instead of feeling like the only one. I'm guessing you'll find a freakin' ton of bloggy support no matter what you find out in two weeks (but wow, what a long time to wait).

Hang in there :)

Rebecca DeWire said...

I am so sorry to hear this. I think it is really cool that you blogged about this, because like Jen said there are a lot of stories about difficult times with conceiving, pregnancy, etc.

Katie A. said...

I am so sorry to hear about this. You are a really strong woman and whatever comes of this will make you stronger. You, Scott and Moana will be in my thoughts this next couple of weeks...hang in there. :)

Clare said...

can't imagine what the wait must be like. fingers crossed for you guys!

Angela and David Kidd said...

I really respect how brave you are for posting about this. I can't imagine how slowly the next two weeks will go for you. At least you have Moana to distract you. I'll be thinking about you.

Molly said...

Oh Michelle. Good thoughts for you over the next couple weeks - you've got an amazing attitude about the whole thing and it looks like you will be strong no matter what happens. Hugs!

DC Running Mama said...

After having been through the two week wait many times in my life (and in the midst of one now), I can tell you that it is horrible and I am sorry that you have to go through it. The best thing to do is to count on the worst and know that no matter how prepared you are for it, it will still suck. Or, that you will be pleasantly surprised. Try to keep busy the next two weeks and have Scott at the appointment with you and a support group to keep you busy after (just in case).

DC Running Mama said...

P.S. Worrying about it won't change the result. All you can do it stay healthy.

Billie said...

Ah man, sorry to hear about this! Like others have said, I guess there isn't much to do other than to prep for it. And to keep yourself busy and hope the two weeks fly by. But that's easier said than done, right? Keeping my fingers crossed!

Running and living said...

I think you have such a great attitude about this. As you said, when something does not go right, our bodies are v smart and stop the process early on. I agree, these 2 weeks are going to be tough. Try not to think to much either way (if you can) and just distract yourself and focus on Moana. We are all thinking about you!

cat. said...

lots of love to you, mama. you're strong, blessed, honest and loved.
^..^

N.D. said...

Oh shoot. I hope everything happens for the best here. This is hard, especially waiting to figure out what is going on. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. May the next 2 weeks go by quickly!

Kate Parker said...

Yes, I think a lot of us can totally empathize with you right now...sending you happy thoughts and a hug.

Mnowac said...

Guess I should have read this before my other comment! Sorry to hear about that u/s. SOmething similar happened to a friend recently. Hang in there, sending you a hug.

Nitsirk said...

That sucks. When I read the title of your post I knew what it would be about. The same thing happened to me before Jack. We were trying and were very excited and then I suddenly I felt fine. Mine stopped at 7 weeks. It was awful but in the end it all worked out for the best. I hope that for you it turns out to be a late ovulation. I appreciate your honesty and hope you are hanging in there. Give Moana a big hug.

DR said...

hang in there mama simmons!

Trisaratops said...

Sending you hugs!

I am so sorry you have to go through this...ugh. Hopefully these two weeks will go by quickly and everything will be fine.

Thinking of you!

Angela said...

Our bodies are amazing things, and if this pregnancy has terminated early, your body had a reason. You and Scott will be in my prayers. Wishing a speedy 14 days.

The Salty One said...

HUGS! I hope everything turns out ok. You'll be in my thoughts!!!

MamaFeather said...

Wow, Michelle. All I can say is I'll be thinking of you and hoping these 2 weeks go quickly!

kerrie said...

oh mama...hoping that your 2ww goes by quickly...ugh. yes, i think several of us have been there and understand how our plans and life can change in an instant...
[[hugs]]

H said...

x

The Chapples said...

I'll be thinking about you guys. Much love!

Lizzie said...

Hey Michelle:

Thoughts are with you - you have such an amazing spirit and strength that no matter what the outcome you'll keep inspiring us all.

Alili said...

I hope the wait goes quickly for you.

Shevaun said...

Hope your wait goes fast. My thoughts are with you and your husband.

Regina said...

That's a really tough spot to be in for the next two weeks. I admire your strength being able to share all this with us.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed all will work out for you.

X-Country2 said...

Oh Michelle. My thoughts go out to you.

Mary IronMatron said...

Oh Michelle. That's rough. Miscarriage is so common--like 30% I think? Or something like that. I hope all is well, but if not, big hug. xo

jsmarslender said...

Thanks for posting this. I'll be thinking of you too.

Charisa said...

Good luck waiting. Hope it turns out the way you want!

beardies3 said...

Cyber hugs. Stay strong.

Beth said...

Thinking of you and Scott and praying for you guys! I can't imagine how it feels but I know you are strong and will get through no matter what! Now let the next 2 weeks go FAST!!!!

Ordinarylife said...

Will be thinking of you all for the next two weeks.

TriGirl Kate O said...

Thinking about you and I hope the next two weeks go fast. xo