The dictionary defines nadir (n) as the lowest point; point of greatest adversity or despair.
That's where I am at right now with respect to my training.
I know I have every excuse in the world to just suck right now. And rightfully valid excuses at that. (My hypothesis is that with all the bleeding in the past week my blood volume is likely pretty low, probably my iron too.)
But you know what? I hate excuses. Even valid ones.
So the facts are that I swam slower this morning than at any other time since I've lived on this island (seriously, I was faster when I was nine months pregnant than I was this morning)... and on Saturday my training partner suggested that I turn around and go home about 15 miles into our ride because I couldn't even draft off his wheel on a flat road with a tailwind while he was going easy...
It's a muscular thing right now- like my muscles won't function properly. I can't make my legs turn over fast enough while running to get my heart rate out of zone 2. Same thing with riding and swimming. I got home from swimming this morning and looked in the mirror and thought- they look like my legs, but they're not acting like my legs. I want my old legs back.
I know I know. I just had a miscarriage a week ago. I know. Give it time I know and it'll all come back. I know. But somehow knowing all those things doesn't really make me feel better about being so physically incapable of doing what I love to do. You know, I did not feel bad while swimming this morning. I was just s.l.o.w. Same thing riding and running. I feel ok while doing them, but just can't go fast at all, even when I try just for brief moments.
I can't find any information out there about how long it takes to physically recover from a miscarriage and get back to normal. I'm guessing it'll be a few more weeks? Anyone know?
The good news (I'm focusing on the good news) about being down here at The Nadir of my training is that there's no place to go but up. Little by little I will get my strength back. Little by little my endurance will return. What I need to do is stop focusing on where I was last year and start focusing on where I am today. And where I will be tomorrow- which will be somewhere above The Nadir.