Monday, January 4, 2010

The Nadir

The dictionary defines nadir (n) as the lowest point; point of greatest adversity or despair.

That's where I am at right now with respect to my training.

I know I have every excuse in the world to just suck right now. And rightfully valid excuses at that. (My hypothesis is that with all the bleeding in the past week my blood volume is likely pretty low, probably my iron too.)

But you know what? I hate excuses. Even valid ones.

So the facts are that I swam slower this morning than at any other time since I've lived on this island (seriously, I was faster when I was nine months pregnant than I was this morning)... and on Saturday my training partner suggested that I turn around and go home about 15 miles into our ride because I couldn't even draft off his wheel on a flat road with a tailwind while he was going easy...

Ugh.

It's a muscular thing right now- like my muscles won't function properly. I can't make my legs turn over fast enough while running to get my heart rate out of zone 2. Same thing with riding and swimming. I got home from swimming this morning and looked in the mirror and thought- they look like my legs, but they're not acting like my legs. I want my old legs back.

I know I know. I just had a miscarriage a week ago. I know. Give it time I know and it'll all come back. I know. But somehow knowing all those things doesn't really make me feel better about being so physically incapable of doing what I love to do. You know, I did not feel bad while swimming this morning. I was just s.l.o.w. Same thing riding and running. I feel ok while doing them, but just can't go fast at all, even when I try just for brief moments.

I can't find any information out there about how long it takes to physically recover from a miscarriage and get back to normal. I'm guessing it'll be a few more weeks? Anyone know?

The good news (I'm focusing on the good news) about being down here at The Nadir of my training is that there's no place to go but up. Little by little I will get my strength back. Little by little my endurance will return. What I need to do is stop focusing on where I was last year and start focusing on where I am today. And where I will be tomorrow- which will be somewhere above The Nadir.

13 comments:

Nitsirk said...

I'm with you. I want my old body back. It is so frustrating to not be able to do with our bodies what our mind knows is possible. I am not a patient person either and I want results immediately. Hang in there. Maybe try something different to mix it up like mountain biking or rock climbing or margarita drinking :)

Lizzie said...

While I am nowhere near coming back from a situation like yours, I have taken the last 2 months off from running at the advice of my trainer (not running what was supposed to be my first 1/2 in November) as my knee and ankle were bothering me. As of tomorrow I am back to it and while I am looking forward to having some goals again, I suspect that where I am mentally and physically won't quite match up just yet. I love the attitude of just going up from here - that's a great perspective - before you know it, you'll be kicking butt in Kona!!

Staci Dombroski said...

I am sorry to hear about your workout! That can be sooo frustrating! I agree with Nitsirk when they said you should try mountain biking, rock climbing, or margarita drinking. Those all sound good :-)

DR said...

please don't be hard on yourself. your body is saying it needs some time. and i believe that the body is also a net for all your emotions -- and you have been through a lot in the last little while.

you should probably get your ferritin (measure of iron stores) and your hemoglobin checked. you can lose a significant amount of blood with a miscarriage.

hang in there!

Clare said...

i hate excuses too.

traci said...

Sorry to hear your body is cooperating. When I miscarried in October, I felt blah for a while too in my workouts. I think a lot of it was the result of being emotionally drained besides all the physical reasons for not performing as normal. If you're like me, you want to be in control and you feel like this "thing" isn't going to wear you down, but it really can. I think I treated it like it wasn't such a big deal b/c it happens so often, but psychologically, I think I was processing it differently than I was trying to handle it. And that wears you down!
The best thing for me was to pick a challenging goal to be my new focus. Running has always been good therapy for me, so that seemed like a good fit. I found a charity spot to the Goofy Challenge b/c the race was closed and started training my butt off. Before I knew it, my body was doing what it was supposed to and my mind/emotions felt a whole lot better. Unfortunately, the charity contacted me a few weeks back and told me they couldn't give me the spot after all, but I'm still glad I did all the training for it. It was a great distraction yet allowed me to work through stuff and feel strong again. Good luck to you! I'm sure you'll be feeling like yourself again in no time.

traci said...

That should say NOT cooperating...oops!

X-Country2 said...

Yes, totally. Listen to that Mama Simmons. She's a VERY smart lady.

DC Running Mama said...

Missy, you just did the Ironman!! You are in better shape than you think. I'm sure you'll be feeling fit again in a few weeks. We can't always be in peak form, otherwise, where would be the challenge?

Regina said...

Easy killer! You need to be good to yourself right now, love yourself and allow yourself to heal. Valid excuse or not, it's the way it is. You'll be in fighting form before you know it. Give your body a break, I don't mean it physically, but mentally, allow it to come back on it's terms. Remember what you said to the doctor, that you trust your body to do what it needs to do. (says the coachee to the coach..)

Angela and David Kidd said...

I am not a doctor and I am not a coach but it sounds like your body is telling you it needs some time off. Isn't your heart rate not going up one of the first signs of overtraining? You just endured carrying a baby, having a miscarriage and doing an Ironman, all in a very short period of time. My body wants to shut down just thinking about what your body did.

Katie A. said...

Your heart and your body has endured a lot in the past few months and its probably only natural that it is asking to slow down for a bit. You're a smart Mamma, take it slow, enjoy the run, enjoy the water, sometimes simple is oh so good. :)

N.D. said...

give yourself some time.. it definitely takes time and I put on weight just going through a miscarriage. I felt like my body was confused and kept gaining weight. You'll get back in the game. You've been awesome for so long, you are that mom that was back to her training and doing even better than pre-pregnancy like a month post-partum. Seriously. Hopefully you'll be back into it soon.