Are All (Wannabe) Kings That Narcissistic?

I rode low aerobic volume the last 3 days in a row on my trainer because I got hooked on TIGER KING and wanted to watch it. When I'm riding hard I can't focus on podcasts or shows... I blast good music ("good" might be debatable depending on your taste) but when just putting aerobic time in, Netflix is my go to. And since everyone was talking about Tiger King I figured I'd check it out. I finished it in 3 days while pedaling and yelling to my husband that HE NEEDED TO COME SEE THIS (and simultaneously telling Moana sorry this isn't a show for kids)...

I have some friends who live in FL and OK so I'll refrain from some comments ... and I'll try to not spoil too much with this blog (in case you haven't watched it yet and don't want to know how it ends??) but I definitely have THOUGHTS about the obvious personality disorders of the people in that documentary. As I was watching all I could think was that there are so many parallels between Joe Exotic and our current President*...

The desperate need for attention.
The narcissism.
The need to feel fame.
The ability to truly 'charm' some people.
The drive to exact revenge on people they feel 'cross' them.
The willingness to burn it all down to prevent anyone else from 'winning'.

It was so clear to see how the more he got backed into a corner the more desperate and crazy he became. A few years ago I don't think I even really knew people like this existed. But they do! And its super creepy. Is it possible to help these people or not really? I'm sort of guessing no. In order for people to learn they have to first accept that they don't know everything.

I'm generally a 'live and let live' kind of person... Meaning I try to not judge if people go about things differently from how I would. I'm generally more likely to try to figure out WHY people made the choices they made because that seems more important in a big picture sense. I have no hypothesis on this one though.

Anyway. Not a triathlon related post tonight. On to another week staying at home staying sane together. :) If you've watched Tiger King though and have thoughts, I'd be super interested to hear them!

Contemplating Swimming

I swam today. Technically it's been 10 days since I last swim, which is about as long as I've gone without swimming in years! I was curious so I went back in my Training Peaks account to actually look... I had to go back to August of 2017 before I could find a week where I had zero swimming recorded. Technically that week in August will remain as my most recent zero week bc TP counts Monday>Sunday so my swim today will prevent this week from technically being a zero. Funny that avoiding a zero was the motivation I needed to make myself go to the ocean today. #whateverittakes

I'd been feeling somewhat conflicted about swimming during this Stay At Home order. Legally, we are allowed to swim in the ocean. Exercise has been deemed 'essential' and swimming/surfing (as long as you're not in a group) counts. It's funny though how my brain has processed a lot of this though... While I know I am allowed to swim, is it really truly 'essential'? I mean, let's be honest. It's not. I could live for a month or two without swimming. Swimming for sure falls into the 'want' vs 'need' category and logically I know this. If I didn't swim for a month or two, swimming would feel like crap when I first started back up but I'm 100% aware of how to get it back and I know I could do it in 4-6 weeks and I def considered just going that route right now vs forcing the swimming issue since pools are all closed. Now that I've done it though I'll probably keep it up a few times/week in the ocean until the pools open back up (assuming nothing changes on the legality of it).

Among my concerns...

1) Can I swim without risking potential exposure to the virus? I worked it out in my head that I could. If there aren't many people at the beach and I go by myself and swim alone, I could easily get it done without coming into contact with other people. Ocean swimming is for sure 'safer' than going to the grocery store right now, if the only concern is potential exposure to virus.

2) Where will I park? Our beach parks are all technically closed and we cannot park in the normal parking lots. I solved this one by parking in a neighborhood and trespassing a short distance through what is technically a private beach entrance.

3) Can I swim in the ocean safely by myself? My preference for sure is to swim with at least one other person when I go ocean. Right now this is weird and I struggle to reconcile it in my head. I know some people are still getting together for ocean swims but for several reasons I just don't personally feel right about doing that. Part of it, for me, is about setting the 'right' example by following the guidelines we've been giving about being physically apart from others. It's super easy to justify that meeting up with a small group of friends is safe, and it probably is, but I don't know. I'm just not gong to do it for a while. I don't actually know though when I'll feel better about this?? That part to me is scary for sure. I've asked myself 100x what it will take for me to feel safe being near other people who I am not currently exposed to here at home and I have not come up with any great answers. Maybe these feelings will change over time. Once I have had the vaccine injected into my body though I'm sure I'll feel fine/normal. But GAH I don't want to have fear of being too close to other people until then??? It would REALLY help my head if everyone who was contagious also had symptoms of the virus. If that was the case things would be WAY easier for me but the fact that people can be asymptomatic carriers and be passing it along without knowing it just throws me for a loop. I've considered sending a note to my Dr and asking if I can be part of a clinical trial on a vaccine. That's probably not even a possibility but this is where my head is at.

Anyway. I swam alone. The water was pretty choppy and there was a solid current but I was happy to be out there. I wouldn't say for a minute though that swimming out there by myself was "safer" than swimming with another person. Especially since there are no lifeguards on duty right now. I try not to let my mind wander too much while I'm swimming ocean, especially when I'm alone out there, but I did have some thoughts like, "What is my biggest risk at the current moment?" Man-o-war? Shark? People? Two of the three were seen in the exact area where I was swimming in the last 7 days. Is the risk of being with another person greater than the risk of being in the ocean alone? I'm not here to judge and I don't have the answers, but I guess the fact that I'll go swim again by myself in the next few days is my answer. For now anyway.

I reserve the right to wake up tomorrow and be smarter. (Mahalo to Francesca for that quote!)

A Cautionary Tale

A whole ton of groceries from Costco just got delivered right to my door! I ordered it all on Sunday. We ate our way through almost everything in the house over this past week, so when all this food finally showed up it felt like a giant relief. Minus the fact that I ordered eggs but didn't get any. #firstworldproblems I will say, people who don't live in Hawaii might not understand what a giant PITA it is for us to shop at Costco. Even before all this current Covid craziness, Costco shopping was a PITA. Now the lines are so bad (and have been for weeks WTF?) they're showing them on the news. Also, an employee at Hawaii Kai Costco tested positive for COVID 19 and I'd bet anything that there are more who actually have it but haven't been tested so the extra money I spent to have those delivered was worth every dollar.

Anyway. Today I just want to share a cautionary tale of sorts and hopefully you can apply this to yourself in some way. I don't know maybe everyone needs to learn lessons for themselves ... I think sometimes I have to learn the same lessons over and over before I finally get it. It has to do with running, and how to build up volume safely after taking some time off. Now might be a decent time to share it, in case any of you are currently not running very much due to lack of motivation or whatever...

I didn't run very much in Q4 of last year. Oct-Nov-Dec I ran a little here and there but my motivation was low and I just didn't feel like it and everyone was touting off season or whatever so I used that as my excuse to sit on my ass (actually I was riding my bike bc that sounded more appealing) and justified it that it was the smart thing to do so ok whatever. But then January came and I decided that get off my lazy ass and start running again! Yay running! I could tell by how labored everything felt that I'd lost a bunch of fitness but the more I ran, the stronger I would feel and the less I needed to walk to catch my breath so that was motivating to keep running more.

I knew I needed some new/different goals so I decided that I was going to collect vertical. Let's see how much vertical I can run in January! That seemed like a decent goal bc when you're running that much uphill, pace becomes less of a thing to worry about. Ya so the run was slow but it also involved 1500ft elevation gain so get over it, right? So I sought out hills and ran lots of them and felt myself getting stronger each week and all was good, until it wasn't.

What goes up must come down and I suspect all that downhill running was a problem given the lack of fitness I was starting with. At the end of January, Strava tallied my total elevation gain and it was over 10,000ft for the month which I thought was super cool! But that's also 10,000+ ft of downhill. I was feeling a deep ache in/around my hip/groin area and in my gut it was a bad feeling like ugh. It reminded me of the way that hip area felt in 2016 when I developed a stress reaction in my femoral neck... Back then I was completely shocked when the MRI showed a reaction in my bone. But this time I knew deep down that I'd made too big of a jump in my training and it made sense to me that my bones might need some time to catch up on their remodeling processes.

I'd argue that the amount of running I did in January, even with the elevation gain/loss, is a reasonable amount to do, as long as fitness was solid at the start of a block like that. Coming off a couple months of pretty low volume, it was too much. Ultimately it meant that the progress I'd made, the fitness I'd gained, was pretty much all for naught because I ended up taking a lot of February off from running. Total rookie mistake which is actually embarrassing since I've been in this sport for 20+ years and absolutely should know better. I never got an MRI so I don't know for sure what the problem was, but after a few weeks with no running and a visit to a sports chiro and some help from Holli and tons of rolling and mobility work, I cautiously started running again in March. Smarter this time, running every other day, starting with short trots and gradually building back up. After a month of consistency I'm back up to 5-6 miles now and completely pain free. Yay!

I share this story now for a few reasons, but mostly as a cautionary tale to people who might not be running much right now but thinking they'll start back running once this pandemic crisis settles down.  If you want to be running a solid amount this summer, you need to be running at least some right now. You don't have to run long, but keep your frequency up so you don't have to start from scratch when you're ready to train again. Because if you start from scratch and try to jump back into your old routine, your brain will remember what you used to be able to do when you were fit but your bones and tendons and ligaments might not! It's prudent to build back cautiously so you don't end up setting yourself back because you jumped back in too fast. Or better yet, keep running now so you don't have to treat yourself like a fragile egg this summer.

The Obstacle Is The Way

I saw a Strava post today that showed a young friend - who flew in from the mainland yesterday - was out running today. She was stoked that she made it back 'home' one day before the 14 day mandatory quarantine order was officially set to kick in (today). She's probably healthy and fine, but what if she isn't? What if she's one of those young healthy people who have no symptoms but she's actually a carrier and ends up passing the virus along to our local community without knowing it? Is it any of my business anyway? Arguments could go both ways on that, I think. These are the things I am contemplating these days. I definitely see a generational divide of sorts taking place. I'm hard pressed to place a ton of blame/pressure on younger people, bc if I'm honest, when I was in my 20s I very well might have conducted myself the exact same way. I view things differently now.

Being a triathlon coach right now is an interesting challenge. I'm grateful that so many of my athletes have stuck with me to weather out this storm. A few weeks ago I was ripping my hair out, modifying everyone's schedules every day as we learned about another race cancelled or postponed... Text after text would come through.. "My pool is closed." "My race is cancelled." Things seem to be a bit more settled now, because pretty much everything is closed and cancelled/postponed. The reality is that no one has a race coming up any time soon. Very few have access to a pool. Some have access to ocean, but conditions right now are complete shit with high wind advisories and man-o-war blanketing the east side of Oahu. Shoot, there was even a shark right here in Kailua last weekend, cruising just a few meters from shore. Seems like the universe is shouting STOP SWIMMING. Some will still find a way to swim, even if they have to be tethered to a step ladder to get it done.

So there are lots of obstacles right now. But here's the thing- Goals Don't Change. Timelines change, yes, but goals are goals and people who are driven will find a way to work around obstacles. In fact, for some, obstacles present unique opportunities to conquer. I have some ideas flowing that I think will help keep athletes motivated and in the game these next few months. Driven Type A competitive athletes don't just shut down because things are hard. More on this to come very soon.

Personally, I'm still training every day. Mostly riding my trainer, but I'm running too and will find a way to swim again soon too. It's funny. After Kona last fall, my drive to RACE again was really really (really) low. I do love training though, and I told myself that even if I never raced again, I'd train every day just because I like training. It's interesting that I'm being tested on that right now... but ya, even with no races in site, I train every day and still push myself and still go after goals for the fun of it. Like truly, only for the sense of personal accomplishment.

I'm currently on a bit of a bike streak. I actually went back and counted how many days this year (2020) that I had not ridden my bike. You know how many days I haven't ridden? Let's just say that I can count them on two hands. Biking is a very blue collar sport, meaning the more you do it, the better you get at it. So ya we can debate training philosophies and strategies and which session elicits the most benefit for which piece of physiology... but at the end of the day (or year), more is more when it comes to riding. Ride easy. Ride hard. Ride frequently. Ride long. Push big gears. Ride uphill. Learn to descend. Learn to draft. Practice surging. Analyze it some, yes, but not too much. Ride more. That's how you get stronger on the bike. I'm feeling it again too. The last few years I have just watched my cycling become more and more mediocre. That just ATE AT ME because I knew that I still had it in me to be a good rider. So I don't know if I'll get a chance to race this year or not, but I'll keep riding almost every day because I like the way it makes me feel and I like that I'm currently fit/strong enough to ride the way I want to ride. Ten days ago I posted this on Strava. Still stand by it.

I Have THOUGHTS

Quarantine makes me think about a lot of things. My brain has been running 100mph these last few weeks.

I should clarify. We're not really in "quarantine". Its more that we are adhering pretty strictly to the Shelter in Place order that has been issued by our Mayor and then our Governor. Those orders didn't change much for us when they were issued. I had made a decision for our family 3-4 days prior that we were going to limit our exposure to society for a while.

I'm going to insert a note here to just say how grateful I am that my husband is such a good man. I started reading about this virus a while back- before it was headline news every second- and I read that it attacks lung tissue and is worse for people with pre-existing conditions. That freaked me out personally pretty hard. If I'm honest I'd admit that I have a fear that if I get it, I'd be one of those people in the ICU requiring a ventilator. At first that sort of sounded ridiculous but then once the virus started spreading more and more and we started hearing about people in their 40s on life support, well, I felt less ridiculous for having my earlier fears. It's pretty easy for me to contain myself here at home. I was relieved when school was out for spring break because that meant Moana wasn't out and about potentially becoming a carrier. But then all I could think was that my husband was potentially the biggest threat to me because he was still going to work every day. Even though his office is small and he was being careful, it just didn't seem like the risk was worth it given how the virus was spreading. Once it was confirmed that there were cases of Covid 19 right here in our town, all I had to say to my husband was that I was scared and I needed him to find a way to work from home and that was it. He made it happen the next day. #grateful

So with my personal safety currently pretty well assured, I feel like I can be a fairly objective observer of the situation as a whole. In a big picture sense, this whole thing is like a real life version of Survival of the Fittest. I don't see it as a contest, necessarily, because it isn't us against each other. It's us against the virus, physically. It's us against ourselves, emotionally. People who are the most physically fit will manage to survive the virus if they get it. People who are the most emotionally/intellectually ready to adapt will survive this temporary Physical Distancing thing. Businesses that were set up with safety nets in place will survive, too. I suspect though that we'll never go back to exactly the way things were before, but that doesn't mean we'll never get back to 'good'.

In the meantime, we have a lot of adapting to do. Adapt the way we interact and connect with each other. Adapt the way we train/race. Adapt our business models. I think people who resist the change are going to have a harder time than people who can objectively see the current world for what it is and still find a way to thrive in it. For me this week it meant figuring out how to use Zoom. Spoiler alert- it was super easy. But with Zoom I could see/talk/connect with my athletes from all over. It felt good to do that. We'll keep doing that! Positive change. I suspect there will be a lot more of this kind of thing in the coming months. Adapt.

One last note for today... I can see how people who live alone would potentially have a WAY harder time with the Physical Distancing than families. And potentially, if someone in your household isn't capable of adapting very well, I can see how being cooped up with someone who in angry would be a very serious problem. I am *extremely* grateful for my family right now, and interestingly enough, I think this extensive time spent together (with no alternatives!) has been really really good for us. We talk more. We play more. We get along and genuinely enjoy each other's company. For sure that shapes my outlook on this whole situation.

Anyway, I have a lot more thoughts and intend to share them, ideally daily going forward for a while. I'll tackle some triathlon training topics tomorrow.

On Being Tired vs Being Depleted...

Oh hey! My computer remembered my log in and password for this blog. Woot!

Obviously I haven't written in a while, but that doesn't mean I haven't been thinking and learning and experimenting and assessing all things triathlon like I used to do. Writing out my thoughts feels more foreign now since I'm out of the habit, but maybe writing is like riding a bike? Let's see...

I feel like I'm starting to crack a code of sorts when it comes to long distance endurance performance in heat... Though sometimes FB memories come up and remind me that I've said before that I thought I had my cramping problem solved... but then it appears maybe its a moving target b/c as soon as I think that I've figured it out, I do a race and find out that actually, nope. Is this time different? I don't know. Maybe?

I've raced 2x 70.3s this year (Honu and Ohio). I thought I had a solid plan going into Honu, but it didn't work. In short, I started feeling twinges of cramping before even reaching half way on the bike (WTF??) so I soft pedaled in then thought maybe I'd be ok on the run but legs completely seized up on me (pick a muscle in either leg- it wasn't functioning) and the last 4ish miles of that run were some of the most painful hobbling I've ever done. It felt like another massive failure. Though I'll say that there was something different about that 'failure'... This time I knew 100% for sure that it was some kind of chemical imbalance in my body that was causing muscles to not function. It felt less personal, if that makes sense... Like, I 'failed' that race but not because I am a failure. It just became crystal clear to me that what works for other athletes (as far as fueling/hydration) doesn't work for me. I needed to figure out my own formula and nobody was going to do that for me. I knew my problem revolved more around hydration than anything else. It's not like I don't train for these things! My problem during Honu wasn't simple exhaustion from a long hard race effort. It was more like my body was depleted and that got me thinking about the difference between being fatigued vs being depleted.

I sort of lucked into a Kona spot at Honu, which in a way I was stoked about but in another way I was completely freaked out about. Like, can I keep enough fluids in my body to safely complete that distance anymore? I mean, not if I managed things the way I did at Honu. I needed a new plan for sure if I was going to attempt to double the distance in those same sweltering conditions. I felt desperate. I thought I'd taken 'a lot' of sodium at Honu. But what is 'a lot'? Is 300mg a lot? 500? 1000? I needed to define some things to get to the bottom of this puzzle.

I finally caved and did a basic (remote) sweat test via a company called Levelen. For a long time I'd suspected that my sweat was pretty concentrated, but what does that even mean? It means I horrify any good bike mechanic because all my bike parts corrode quicker than most people's bike parts, to start... But having some numbers/facts/data helps put things in perspective. To make a long story short, test results showed that I lose ~1250mg/sodium per liter of sweat when I run (~850/liter on the bike- not sure why that's different concentration?) and I lose ~2.3 liters/hour when jogging easy in not crazy hot conditions. So when you do the math on that, it works out to ~2900mg sodium/hour when I'm running.

Looking at those numbers, some things seemed impossible. Like, there has to be an upper limit on the amount of fluids one can absorb each hour. I think I've trained myself over the years to absorb more than many... But not that much?? Is there an upper limit to sodium intake then? Daily recommendation is 2300mg but if I lose more than that in an hour, what's my personal limit for an 11ish hour race? What are the negative effects of taking too much sodium? I genuinely didn't know, but I started experimenting. 6000mg sodium before/during a 4 hour training ride seemed to work well and I had no ill effects from that...

I went into Ohio 70.3 with an enhanced plan to take in even more sodium and my thought was that if I 'failed' that race because I took in too much, I'd be ok with that. I won't bore you with the details of a play by play of how the race unfolded, but the gist of it is this:

I started out the first 90min or so managing things pretty much exactly like how I managed things at Honu... Skratch Hyper before the race then after an average swim effort, onto the bike drinking standard Nuun/Skratch and eating bars and Skratch chews, as many triathletes do. About 20 miles into that ride I felt the same twinge of a cramp in my adductor that I did at Honu and the frustration started to mount. AGAIN??? But this time I had some options where I could experiment... A bottle of "The Right Stuff" on my bike (1780mg sodium) saved my ride. I started drinking that and within ~10 miles I had full function of my legs again and was able to push the way I wanted to push. So I finished that ride way stronger than I finished the Honu ride.

Another change I made was to take Gatorade at the aid stations vs water. I think many of us have been taught that Gatorade is the devil and to avoid it at all costs... at Honu I avoided Gatorade and took water instead, but once I found out the concentration of my sweat I decided that Gatorade- while maybe not perfect- is a better solution for me than plain water. In the end I calculated sodium intake on the bike to be ~3000mg. And while I felt some normal fatigue getting off that bike, I didn't feel like I was depleted.

In T2 I'd placed a little cooler for myself with another bottle of The Right Stuff. I sipped on that over the first mile or so and legs seemed to be working reasonably well for the first 5 miles or so. I was stoked! Then around mile 6 I started feeling those familiar twinges again... Let's try more sodium to see if that was my answer? I had another ~2000mg sodium in my pockets in the form of Liquid IV powder in a flask (500mg) and then 2x Precision Hydration tabs (750mg each). I started with the Liquid IV flask- next aid station I added water to my flask which made a pretty concentrated solution, but I was also taking water with it so I sipped on that solution while drinking water and that seemed to bring my legs back around for a few miles. Then more twinges so ok lets try these Precision Hydration tabs... They say nothing new on race day but I knew if I did the same thing as I'd always done I'd be crawling to the finish line so I was willing to risk trying something new. Anyone ever chewed a Precision Hydration tab? Pro tip- only attempt that in small bites and only at an aid station where you can wash it down with water. Those things are effervescent and they burn your mouth if you just try to eat them. But, they're a lightweight way to carry concentrated sodium source so I'm all about those tabs now.

Anyway, I found it interesting how those seemed to be helping my muscles function... but only very temporarily. But really, if I do the math on it, if I'm losing 2900mg sodium/ hour and these 70.3 runs are taking me 2ish hours, I'm losing in the neighborhood of 5800 mg total just during the run... so even if I was fully topped off to start, the 3500ish mg that I took in during the run (which seemed like A LOT) still wasn't quite enough. I felt it too in the last 2 miles legs were going going gone and it got ugly there toward the end... but I made it further than I did at Honu for sure and felt stoked like I'm on the right path here solving my problem. I know people say that hydration and electrolyte losses aren't the cause of cramping, but my experiences prove to me that at least in my personal case, there is absolutely a correlation. And now that I have some concrete numbers to work with, I can keep experimenting over the next few months and see if I can't figure out a plan that might work to allow me to finish Kona without crawling. #goals

Anyway, I've started trying to trouble shoot with a few of my athletes who seem to have similar cramping problems, and the increased sodium on their key days seems to be helping them. We look at it in terms of fatigue vs depletion... when you're tired, is it because fitness isn't high enough to support your current effort? (Fatigue) Or is it because you haven't given your body the hydration/fuel/electrolytes to keep it functioning at its best? (Depletion). I feel like for the longest time I blamed all my cramping problems on fitness... so the solution was TRAIN MORE! But I'm rethinking that now and trying my best to avoid depletion as much as I can (which for some of us who live and train in high heat scenarios year round is way harder than we wish it was!)

This is the face of an athlete who feels like she's finally managed to start to solve a very frustrating puzzle...

A Long Summary of the Summer...

I’ve fallen off the wagon when it comes to writing race reports. I still believe they’re super valuable, and going back to read your immediate full and honest thoughts about how a race went down can provide valuable insight into how to do things better next time… What did you do well? What would you change if you could go back and do it again? Those are my two favorite questions… So I suppose I’ll take some time to answer those questions here for myself, and I might even publish this if it seems like others could gain some insight from it as well. I can be pretty introspective and honest with myself when I want to be, and that’s probably the best way to approach writing down your thoughts, if your goal is to learn from your own experiences.

I never wrote about Honu. I take that back- I did write about Honu but just for myself and I didn’t publish it. Mostly b/c it was so negative and I don’t like to come across as Negative Nelly. But the reality was that that race was one of the most disappointing race experiences I’ve ever had- but that’s just about me personally. My athletes had done so well there… It was a balancing act for sure in trying to manage how to feel so genuinely happy for them(!) while at the same time processing my own experience. 2 months later I’m more at peace with the whole thing. When I found out that my front brake had been rubbing on the bike, all of a sudden things became more clear to me and at least I had an understanding of what the problem was. Until I saw my brake touching the rim of my front wheel (after the race was all said and done), I simply could not reconcile the slowest ever bike split with how great and strong I felt while I was riding. I mean, I’ve been at this for a very long time and I know what it feels like to feel awesome and strong while riding a bike! It was such a mindfuck though to feel like I did that day but then end up with a split that was solidly 10min slower than I would have expected based on how I felt… I completely let that split get to my head (convincing myself that even on my very best day I’m just “slow” now- “slow” is relative, I know). I consequently completely gave up on myself out there on that run which is 100% my own fault and I hate that I responded that way, but that’s how I responded and it sucked and I don’t want to do that to myself again. This sport is supposed to be fun but spending 2+ hours mentally beating yourself up about how much you suck has a way of robbing you of a lot of joy. Just saying.

So about Honu… What did I do well? I did a lot of things well! I trained/prepped really well. I figured out a hydration/fueling formula that works for me (no cramping!!). Both of those things are huge wins!  What would I change if I could go back and do it again? I’d double check my brakes. :) I’d like to say I’d figure out a way to stay positive during the run after feeling like I “failed” on the bike, but I’m not sure I know exactly how I’d go about doing that. That’s not an easy thing for me, though I do think that continued meditation practice might help with it. I’ve been using that ‘Headspace’ app and I really like it and I think it’s helping me get my head right and I think if there’s something that I should prioritize in the next year, it’s that.

Anyway, I made some changes after that race experience- mostly just trying to take some of the pressure off… It’s 100% just pressure I put on myself- my own expectations- maybe they’re too high? Unrealistic? I don’t know. But putting pressure on yourself to do well but then not living up to your own expectations is hard and my response was essentially to lower my expectations. Was that the best response? I don’t know. But its the route I took. I’ve actually taken that route a lot in my life… I can think of several examples in different areas of my life where my response to a repeatedly disappointing situation has been to simply lower my expectations. It works to some degree b/c when your expectations are low, you tend to end up feeling less disappointed… You’re easier to please. Friend or family member constantly disappointing you? Lower your expectations of them. Then you just end up feeling pleasantly surprised if they do anything at all that is nice or whatever. That’s just one example. And like I said, I don’t know if its the “right" route to take but I do know that having super high expectations of myself and everyone around me has very often set me up for big disappointment. When I instead just go with the flow and let things play out as they do, I tend to feel happier overall.

Moving on! So I went to Ohio to race the 70.3 and then figured I’d stay for Age Group Nationals which happened to also be in Cleveland. With the races being 2 weeks apart, and having athletes I work with at both races, and having my parents living right there, it sort of seemed like a no brainer.

All of my meals while I was in Delaware for the 70.3 were at Bob Evans. True Story.

The Ohio 70.3 race was ok. I didn’t have huge expectations of myself going into it, but my training had shown glimpses of good form so the door was open in my mind that I might put together a decent race. And I guess I’d call it decent. It wasn’t my best day but it also wasn’t my worst so… Ok. What did I do well? I didn’t mentally give up on myself, even when I physically didn’t exactly feel good (this is a big win!). And I repeated my fueling/hydration plan from Honu and confirmed to myself that my cramping situation is possible to control (again- no cramps!). I’ve shared in private with some people what I’ve done to fix things for myself, and I can’t say that what I'm doing is the thing that would work for everyone b/c I think we are all different... But for me, cramp prevention is apparently about loading with magnesium and potassium all the time, and then sodium loading immediately prior to the race. I have to be in the right physiological state at the start line (prioritizing hydration and electrolytes) b/c if I’m not there at the start, digging myself out of the hole has proven to be, well, impossible. I almost never drink plain water anymore (when training/racing anyway). My sweat rate is ridiculously high (I’ve calculated that I regularly lose 5lbs/hour in Hawaii, which is a huge challenge to manage when I’m going long), so this is still an area of focus for me, but at least I'm starting to really understand my own physiology here and understanding the root causes of issues is always the first step to fixing/managing them.

What would I change if I could go back and do that one again? I’d have gone into the swim with a more aggressive mindset. I took my swim for granted at that race and just sort of swam in la la land and didn’t feel like I was RACING and that’s disappointing to look back on. Other than that, I sort of feel like I did the best I could with what I had that day. There were some things about the race that were super frustrating but out of my control, so I can’t really put those things into the category of ‘what would I change if I could go back and do it again?’… but I feel its worth a mention to note that drafters suck. I saw so much intentional drafting out there that day… WAY worse than last year and I’d say that had to do with the self-seeded rolling start. Last year with age group waves, ability levels were spread out all over the course… that makes things challenging in a way b/c there ends up being so much passing and being passed going on throughout the race and at times that can be unsafe. I had high hopes that a self seeded rolling start would be way better, but the way it actually played out was that it put people of fairly like ability all together on the bike course, which provided ample opportunity for people to draft and it was disappointing to see how many athletes (and top ones at that) opted to go that route. There was enough space on the road to ride legally, but many chose to not ride legally. I heard some athletes after the race talk about how they just ‘got caught up in a pack’ and I was like NO YOU DO NOT JUST GET CAUGHT UP IN A PACK. The way it works, per the rules, is that when someone passes you, its your responsibility to ease up and let the gap form so you are not in the draft zone. If you continue to push your race power after you’ve been passed and then you’re in the draft zone behind the rider in front of you, THAT IS CHEATING. Is it frustrating to have to sit up and slow down to get out of a draft zone? You bet. Is there another option? I mean, I guess the option would be train more and get stronger so you don’t get passed as much.

My bike split was ~6min slower this year vs last year and I’d attribute a lot of that to the amount of times I eased up not the gas so I would not be in the draft zone of someone who’d passed me. Last year I never really had to do that b/c my AG wave started in the back so it was me doing most of the passing vs being the one getting passed. That race dynamic made a bigger difference than I’d anticipated. Last word on this though- I just have to say it- watching the ‘leaders’ of our sport blatantly choosing to cheat/draft was flat out disheartening. I called it out some when I saw it b/c I feel like since the race officials weren’t being strict about it, maybe some peer pressure would work? I did impact a young gal (24yo, AWA athlete) who I'd watched cheat for probably 10 miles- I’d passed her around mile 5 then she came and passed me back around mile 25, sitting on the wheel of 2 guys… I sat back and watched long enough to see how blatant she was being about it… At one point she slowed to grab a bottle at an aid station and I could not help myself as I rode back by… I just said DRAFTING IS CHEATING. Interestingly, she pulled back up next to me and told me that I was right and that she would try to do a better job leaving space between herself and riders ahead of her. So maybe I made an impact on one person. Others though, including some top women whose names I know (and I used to have respect for) rode by in groups with no shame. I just want those athletes to know that WE SEE YOU. Respect level plummets for those athletes, and if they’re wearing a recognizable team kit, I have to say, I lose respect for the company/team they ride for as well. I don’t really know how to solve the drafting problem in triathlon… Race officials seem to do a piss poor job of it. Race directors finding ways spreading athletes out on the course is for sure part of the solution. But the bulk of it might really come from peer pressure. Anyone with any self respect (I’d think!) would want others to respect them as well so maybe if as a community we continue to be vocal about this issue and let athletes know that WE HAVE NO RESPECT FOR YOU WHEN WE SEE YOU CHEATING, AND WE SEE YOU might be the best route here? 

I don’t know. Maybe I need to go back and lower my expectations of people so I’m less disappointed in what I see on these race courses.

A final note about that 70.3 in Ohio- the weekend was FUN! I genuinely enjoyed it, mostly b/c I got to hang out with 3 of my athletes (Tia, Jen, Brian) and they are all just really cool and I found myself laughing a ton… and they all raced really well and the vibe with them was just good. Being a part of the Coeur team makes these races really fun too. I mean, essentially I went to that race alone but had so many friends and teammates on the course that I never felt alone, and it was just really great all around. Delaware is a great little town to host a race like that.

So that brings us to Age Group Nationals! (I guess I could separate these out into multiple blog posts but I doubt I’ll do that)… I think I did an AG Nationals race way back in like 1996 in California, but back then it was way less of  big deal and not nearly as competitive. I mean, it was technically “Nationals” but in every respect it was just a regular Olympic Distance race. So I’d consider this to be my first ‘real’ AG Nationals experience. And it was an experience!

My thoughts in summary:

~Racing in a city- like the downtown area of a city- is not at all my favorite. I guess I'm just old school when it comes to stuff like this, but I think of a race like Muncie, that's out in the middle of nowhere, and that, to me, feels like triathlon. Just a group of crazy people who find a quiet spot with a decent lake to swim bike and run and see how fast they can do it... perfect! In a city, on the other hand, you're driving around in circles lost while Siri constantly redirects you but you can't turn there b/c of the one way street and then you finally get near your destination but can't find a place to park then you finally do but oh wait that'll be $9. It was definitely confirmed for me last weekend that I am a Country Mouse and if I have to pay $9 to park my car somewhere, I'm out. 

~Also, no thanks to bike courses that go through construction areas.

~I was extremely impressed with the caliber of athletes competing in Cleveland. I mean, it's Nationals, so duh, of course there will be fast athletes there but whoa the depth of the field was impressive. It wasn't just a few athletes who were really fast, it was A LOT of athletes who were really fast. My superpower has never been about being fast, so I def got my ass kicked at that race, but in general I'd say it was good to see how many very fast athletes were are out there. And in every age group! I feel like for sure the general trend is that you have to just be ridiculously strong and fast these days to be near the top of your AG at any big race. It's clear that athletes and coaches are figuring out the best way to train and prepare and fuel and hydrate and execute and power meters and smart trainers are very likely helping in this regard. I'm totally going to age myself here but lets just say that back in the 90s we were all just winging it and we made a lot more mistakes than the athletes are making now. Knowledge is power!

~When they canceled the swim at the last minute for the sprint race on Sunday, I immediately lost interest in racing. I suspect there were a few people who judged me for that decision to just turn in my chip, but whatever. I've done races before where the swim was canceled last minute and we ran first instead of swimming and I just didn't enjoy it at all. I'm too old to do things I don't enjoy. I enjoy triathlons! If I enjoyed duathlons, I'd enter them! I feel like runners who don't like swimming should enter more duathlons vs enter triathlons hoping that the swim will just be canceled.  I made a joke on Twitter to that effect...

~The main reason I even went to Nationals was b/c I get to work with Carly and she is an amazing athlete who is not only physically talented but has the work ethic and drive to back up her talent... Getting to play a part in her successes has been amazing for me. So my weekend there was really about her. She raced really well in Cleveland and landed herself 3rd on Saturday in the Olympic Distance race and then backed it up with a 2nd place in the sprint duathlon the next day. Since I opted to not race on Sunday I was able to stand on the run course and yell out splits at her which is super fun, especially when you get to bark out stuff like "YOU'RE 3RD... 20" BEHIND FIRST... EVERY SECOND COUNTS STAY ON THE GAS!" And then later, "YOU'RE SECOND! KEEP IT UP!"

When I think back on all my racing this year, if I'm honest, the coaching part has been more enjoyable for me than the racing part. I keep saying that I'm nearing the end of my time as a triathlete... but then I go and enter more races so who knows if I'll ever really stop being a triathlete. But one thing I know for sure... I have no plans to stop coaching. Working with athletes and helping them get the most of of themselves is pure joy for me!