My Pregnant Journey

One month to go. So near, yet so far.

Being this close to the end has caused me to spend some time looking back on this inaugural pregnant journey... bear with me as I try to remember it.

Month 1. Why am I waking up with a little nausea? It's just a little. Hmmm... Could I be pregnant? No. Couldn't be. I'm training so well right now and feeling faster and fitter than I ever have in February. Go to the drug store. Buy the sticks. Go for a bike ride. Feel these little weird twinges in my uterus area while riding. Get home. Pee on the stick... It's just a faint little line. What does a faint line mean? Go online and google 'faint line'. Says a faint line is a positive. Can't be. Next morning. Try to test again but I'm so nervous I drop the whole stick in the toilet. Must wait until tomorrow. Tomorrow morning. Pee on stick again. Faint line again. Remind myself to breathe. Tell Scott. Call my doctor.

Month 2. At this point I still don't understand what all this is going to mean to my life, but I know that I probably shouldn't be training like I had been, so I decide to give that up for now. I'll still exercise, I promise myself, but there's a big difference between training and exercise. How long am I going to be able to keep this secret from my training partners? Me showing up on the Saturday morning ride is as predictable as the sun coming up. After two weeks of pitiful excuses (cop-out via email) about why I'm not going to be on the ride or at the track, one of my training partners calls me and asks what the heck is going on. I tell him but ask him to keep it to himself because it's all still really early and everything I read says don't tell anyone yet... I spend the next week emailing race directors asking for partial refunds for the spring races I was entered in and planning on doing. Looking back now, I probably could have completed them without issue (alright, the 1/2 Ironman at 20 weeks may not have been a good idea), but I don't generally do triathlon races just for the heck of it. I'd rather race. The really good news about this month is that Scott and I got engaged! Better hurry up with the wedding planning... baby's on its way!

Month 3. I'm starting to adjust to the idea of being pregnant. I'm traveling a lot for work, running some, still lifting weights, but hesitant to swim because I'm feeling fat. Looking back, that was such a joke. I was not fat. But my stomach wasn't concave like it had been and since I wasn't telling a lot of people yet what was really going on, the thought of people quietly thinking to themselves, "She's gaining weight!" was beyond my comfort level. So I only went to the pool when I felt confident that no one I knew would be there to see me in a bathing suit. Wedding plans were in full swing though and eventually it was no longer a secret what was going on with me. Hmmm... let's see... Michelle stopped training and pulled out of the spring races, she and Scott are getting married next month, and she's not drinking beer. It doesn't take a rocket scientist, folks.

Month 4. Busy month that involved getting married! And meeting my inlaws! And Scott got to meet most of my family... what a crazy time. But really fun. We had an awesome and beautiful perfect wedding and everyone seemed genuinely happy for us. :) I was thrilled to be marrying the man of my dreams, and Scott has always wanted the family with the white picket fence (ok, skip the fence for a house on the beach but you know what I mean)... so all was well in the world. I was just barely showing- I could tell that I had a little belly but I guess someone who didn't know me wouldn't have guessed. I was still running and lifting, and had started back swimming since the reason for my little pooch was no longer a secret.

Month 5. Business as usual. Baby's growing according to schedule. I'm in a little routine of working and exercising and getting used to being married. It's time to think about getting stretchy pants and longer tops that accomodate my growing belly. And a new swimsuit that will fit. The more astute (and brave!) people at work start to notice and ask questions. I don't really mind. I'm swimming a lot now and even do a couple of the summer ocean swim races that I have loved doing over the last few years.

Month 6. My boss calls and I hear the news that the layoffs at my company are actually affecting me. As in, they're not employing anyone in Hawaii anymore. What??? I pick myself up off the floor and thank my lucky stars that I have such an awesome and supportive husband to help me get through all this. The changes in my life in the last 6 months have been enormous and I start to wonder who I am?? What happened to that independent athlete gal with the great career? Oh, now she's barefoot and pregnant staying at home reading books about how to raise babies. If it weren't for Scott, I'm sure I would have spent my entire severance at the therapist's office.

Month 7. I'm settling into a different routine that involves a lot of cooking and cleaning and gathering baby items. Baby stores overwhelm and scare me. I start to think about how to decorate baby's room, which is a bigger challenge than you'd think when you don't know if you're having a boy or a girl. Thank goodness for blogging. I'm still swimming but not running or lifting anymore. I discover water running which, if nothing else, makes me think that maybe, just maybe, I can retain some running fitness so I don't have to start over like a total novice after baby's born. My doctor continues to tell me that everything is fine, and all those contractions I'm having are just Braxton Hicks so nothing to worry about. I'm actually glad that my uterus is training so hard for the big event coming up soon.Month 8. The whole pregnancy can't be completely without issue. This month I'm continually plagued with knowing that my baby hasn't figured out where its head is supposed to be in order to get out of my uterus the way its meant to. I keep feeling the head trying to carve out its own exit right underneath my right rib. And then there's the pre-term labor scare with all the excessive contractions and my new goal becomes trying not to deliver a baby that can't yet breathe on its own at 33 weeks.Month 9. Home stretch! Still trying not to have baby too early, which may still prove to be a challenge... just for the heck of it last night, I started timing my contractions and counting how many I was getting while I was sitting on the couch watching my Tivo'd version of The Biggest Loser. I could have set my watch by them every 3 minutes. I had 20 between 8:21 PM and 9:21 PM. Nice. That worried me a little but I was waiting for them to intensify before thinking about going into the hospital. They didn't get any worse so I went to sleep.

I have a feeling the rest of this month will include a lot of wondering if I'm going to give birth today... we still have a lot more last minute preparations to do so I'll keep myself busy doing all that and before you know it, I'll be the one posting pictures of little junior on this blog and talking about how I'm not sleeping much and the kid pees on everything within a 3 foot radius. But of course s/he is going to be the cutest baby ever to be born... and then one of these days I'll blog about how I got to use my super stealth baby jogger for a whole 2 miles today...