Whatever.

If you've been reading my blog for a while you know that I am almost constantly in search of The Edge...  Maybe I should call it The Cliff... It's about trying to discover just how far I can push my body before I can push no more. I find it all quite fascinating, really. And I'm pretty sure I can say that I've found it. I'm peering right off the edge right now. It's an interesting view.

Interestingly as well, my super smart coach anticipated that I would be feeling this way today and already changed up my workout tomorrow to reflect it. Even before I told him how I was feeling today, he knew. That is the benefit, I suppose, of hiring a coach who has done this to himself a couple times before. Because one more hard workout tomorrow might have been the equivalent of hurling myself right off the edge of the cliff, never to be seen or heard from again. Lol.

So here is what I find interesting... something in my brain has changed... I don't know if I can quite explain it in words, but it's like I just find myself in a complete fog, and thinking whatever a lot. I'm familiar with The Central Governor theory and my suspicion is that my Central Governor decided today that enough is enough and its secreting some sort of hormone that causes me to just.not.care about much at all. An example- today I was driving in town and stuck in traffic on the H1 and found myself in the slow lane- you know, the one that doesn't move while the others around you are all moving... and I just didn't care. I made no effort to get into a faster lane. This is very unusual for me. Usually I'll all impatient and agro in traffic. And then some stupid Fleetwood Mac song came on the radio and I couldn't even be bothered to change the station. I just listened to that dumb song. Then I showed up to an appointment only to be told that I was early. By a week. The receptionist told me to come back next week and I just sort of shrugged my shoulders and walked back to my car. Whatever. I was 100% aware that I was thinking/reacting this way but instead of trying to change it in any way, I just paid attention to it. Like I said before, I really find it fascinating.

I think a lot of times the first sign of being right on the edge is injury or illness. I've been incredibly diligent about nutrition and hydration and between workout recovery which I think has helped my immune system fend off any potential viruses, and I've also been totally on top of massage and PT and core strength stuff which I think has gone a long way toward keeping any potential injuries at bay. So those signs are not the ones that would be showing up for me. Nope. It's this mental fog. Sort of cool, I think, that my brain is doing this to me. It's like it's trying to prevent me from hurting myself so it sends out this Whatever hormone. It works. I have no desire to go out and run right now. Good job, Brain. You are preventing me from hurting myself today.

It's reminiscent of a treatment that Magic Man did on me last month after I hurt my calf... I showed up at his office just completely on edge and unable to relax at all... very stressed about that calf... and the first thing he did was stick a couple needles in my ear (have you ever had this done? Very interesting!) and within a few minutes I was just like la la la completely relaxed and in what felt like a semi-high state. It is really cool and I liked it. Today I felt like Magic Man put some needles in my ear. Only he didn't. But I bet the hormone being secreted today is a similar one because the ambivalence I feel about nearly everything is the same.

Our brains are really cool, aren't they?

Anyway, I'm not stressed about feeling this way (duh, I'm not stressed about anything today, lol). Instead, I feel rather satisfied to be here... Yeah, apparently I'm still crazy. ;)