I Don't Feel Pregnant

I have been debating about whether or not to post all of this that's been going on (in my head and with my body) but you know what? I've been pretty open and honest about everything else in my life, and this is life, so here goes.

After I posted last week about all those normal pregnancy things that have been happening to my body, they all just went away. I woke up Sunday morning and had no nausea. I ran with Moana in the baby jogger and though I didn't push it or anything, I felt fine. That afternoon, I didn't feel like I needed a nap. Instead, I went for a bike ride. Plenty of energy. I didn't think too much about it except that it was nice to have a day where I didn't feel sick, hungry, or tired.

And each day since, I've been feeling completely normal. No morning nausea, no excessive hunger, no achy boobs, no afternoon naps. Hmmmm.

I'm not one to just sit around and wait and wonder, so I called my doctor. I wanted her to do an ultrasound and see if there was a heartbeat in there... Based on my LMP, I should be almost 7 weeks now which would mean that if everything was right, there would be a heartbeat. She was awesome and told me to come in right away.

So yesterday morning I took Moana to the office with me (which was fun b/c the Dr hadn't seen her since she popped out of me over a year ago!). Maybe not quite so much fun to have a one year old squirming on my lap while Dr performed a vaginal ultrasound, but hey, we gotta do what we gotta do, right? Anyway, Dr found a yolk sack but nothing was in it.

That pretty much confirmed what I had been thinking/feeling, although Dr told me that the sack was small and only measuring 5 weeks, which *could* mean that I ovulated late and am not as far along as I thought I was... which is entirely possible b/c of Ironman and all that... maybe I ovulated late? And if that's the case, when I go for another ultrasound in 2 weeks there may be a fetus with a heartbeat in that little sack.

The other possibility is that I got pregnant and it all started to grow but for whatever reason it just wasn't right so it stopped growing. That happens sometimes. My intuition, based upon how I physically feel, is that this is the case.

I'm not sure how I feel about all this. I'm not devastated, because it's not like Scott and I had been trying for years and finally got pregnant... I can understand though how IF that were the case, I would be devastated. On the other hand, I've started to mentally prepare myself to have another little one around... imagining what it will be like to strap TWO little ones into car seats every time I go to the grocery store, etc. And Scott and I picked out names already.

I think the hardest part for me is going to be waiting waiting waiting for TWO MORE WEEKS to find out for sure whether or not anything is growing in there. It's going to be a long two weeks.

So there it is. That's what's been going on here. I'd be a fraud if I posted about anything else right now because there's nothing else for me to think about, therefore I have nothing else to write about. Two more weeks.